AMMA

Amma, even today Ranga reminds me how upset I was when he hinted that all could not be well with you when you had one of your earlier bouts of sickness. You made me come a long way from this that when your end came, I did not even have tears in my eyes. You were my spiritual guru right from my childhood, imparting bits and pieces of philosophical truths sprinkled in the various stories you have told me, be it stories of Mahabharata or neighbourhood, was missing right from the day you lost your father figure, Thatha! You gave enough time for this fact to sink in.

We all understood very well that you were the backbone of our family and Appa could not take any decision even on something as simple as coffee or tea, but this truth hit us badly when you fell sick and Appa was lost. Despite this, we thought that Appa will outlive his wife like Thatha did. But I think from above, you observed him and decided to call him to you in a matter of three months! Maybe you decided that no one can take care of him like you did? Maybe you understood that he was lost without you? 

Amma, when I think of you now, I recall your sick self of the last 2-3 years, to the point that I tell my sisters, I am not so upset about Amma’s departure as I remember only her sickness. Now I am going to recall your greatness point by point in this tribute!

Annapoorani, wasn’t that your nick name given by all known to you? How many times we have heard people, be it family, friends, Thatha’s clients, distant relatives, neighbours, strangers, etc etc, say that they can never leave our house on an empty stomach? How Thatha’s client Lakshmi mami used to say that whenever she refused the food you offered, she had to starve that day? Not just feeding people at home, for how many people you have packed food and sent/taken to their homes!

Amma, I don’t think I can get your business acumen at all! Your business ranged from diamonds to pickles with various types of clothes and accessories in between!

Your ever smiling face - have I ever seen you sulking over things? It was always “vettu onnu thundu rendu” straight to the point. Point out a person’s fault and then forget and forgive!

Enterprising - you learnt this quality very well from Paati. For Appa and your hardworking nature, if you had begun a wedding planning business early in life, you would have been Number One in this business!

Duty - I think you learnt this mantra from Appa, but you followed him ditto in this path. You did your duties not just to your daughters, your father-in-law, your mother-in-law, your brother-in-law but to the extended family of siblings of your in-laws! My relationship with Ranga’s Paati grew only because I have heard how you did things for your mother-in-law’s mother!

Despite being a vakil, Thatha always asked you to speak to people if a point had to be conveyed or instructions to be given clearly and precisely without wasting time.  I always recall this quality of yours when I need to do this and try to imitate you!

Fearless - you never hestitated to drive a point home whether it is somebody big or small. I don’t think I can ever be as fearless as you were.

Hardworking - Amma I feel you became sick overworking for this family! The number of times you used to run to the shops in the neighbourhood and also cater to the needs of others not taking enough care of yourself, made you sick!

I recall lying next to you as a small child in the hall of Ranganathan Street house.

I recall you taking me to school, pakkathu school first and corporation school later. It was always you who took care of school admission, fees, complaints, etc as Appa was ever busy with his office.

You also had the time to accompany your mother-in-law to the never ending trips be it a casual visit or wedding or death or any other occasion in the family / extended family / friends / neighbours / thatha’s clients etc etc!

Every shopkeeper on Village Road right from Majestic Medicals, Khaleel Stores, Rahman Stores, TUCS, Velan Stores, maavu machine, Salam Stores, paper kadai, Alif Fancy, Gautam Jewellers, Canara Bank, TNSC Bank, Suprabath Hotel, pookadai, vetrilaikadai, vegetable shop and even the Police Station knew you and Paati and thought for a very long time that you were mother and daughter! 

I recall that you knew all the bus routes and most of the main roads in the main parts of Chennai and could direct people well. I don’t think I have this knowledge even now. Ask Ranga and he will tell you that I am really bad at this.

I recall that you only took us to movie theatres and beach all the time and Appa always met us at the respective venues straight from office. I wonder how you timed the arrival precisely in those mobile phoneless times and travelling by public transport!

I recall asking you in awe, how you roast the appalam on fire without hurting your fingers and you assuring me that it will come with practice! Amma, I still love cooking in iyachombu and kalchatti learning from you!

I recall you making tiny round dosas for me and this has now developed to different animal-shaped dosas with guidance from Sundari!

I recall the sugared chappathis you used to make for me - chappathis sprinkled with sugar!

I recall the nila saapadu we used to have almost on all days with you serving all the daughters or better still make us all sit in a circle and gave us spoonfuls of curd rice with vathakuzhambu or pickle. It never made a difference to you if Anu or Nalini or any other friend joined us in this, they were also your daughters!

I recall how you followed Paati’s instruction with regard to the quantities to be cooked, but always increased it slightly without her knowledge to ensure there is plenty for all your children and the ever unexpected guests! You ensured food was never short in our home.

I recall how you used to ask us to be kind to Paati when we were a bit irritated with her for her attitude with you!

I recall how you used to not restrict Paati eating pickles or drinking Rasna stating that we should give some allowance to old age.

I recall how you used to play cards with Thatha almost every evening with one of us joining you occasionally.

I also recall how you used to argue with Thatha on many occasions, but in the next half hour make him his favourite “rava upma” with ginger, perungayam and a little extra ghee.

You always said rava upma is faster than the 2-minute noodles if one has roasted rava ready, which you always had.  I totally agree with this!

I also recall your hesitation to stay in the hospital when Gokul was born stating that you were a bit sick of hospital stay. Should we have taken it as the first sign of your failing health?

Losing  Thatha made you lose everything in life, after all, you lost your own father at the age of 16 and Thatha was your father after that, showing his support on many occasions when you had issues with Paati! But Amma, the Annapoorani, the expert cook forgetting how to cook was a big shock for us! Still Amma you came back to normalcy a bit and tried to keep a cheerful front but your sickness did not allow you much! To repeat what I said above, I take your sickness as the time for me to accept your departure. If you had not given me this time and passed away suddenly, I don’t think I could have accepted it.

Love you Amma!

Appa....................

“Duraaaaiiiiiirajannnnn...........sounds like a  Christian, looks like a Brahmin”.  “Well... I am a Brahmin and it is not a sin.” Most of the people who knew my dad would have heard this from him. He took pride in narrating this part of his interview in Castrol Ltd to one and all! 

Appa, we miss you badly. Amma prepared us, especially me, her youngest, for her departure over the past 3 years, but Appa, I don’t think I was ready for your exit from this world! Yes, we sisters and brothers-in-law keep telling each other that you were incomplete without Amma, but still the void is huge.

I recall as a child, how I held your hand tightly in a bus, always worrying how we will move past the crowd and get down in our stop and you assuring me that we will get enough space to move.

I recall how you used to take all of us not leaving any of us behind for our outings - be it a movie or the beach or a hotel or your office picnic or even a wedding. We were perhaps the only family who were in full attendance for all the Castrol picnics right from Gingee fort to Blue lagoon resort.

I recall how you very very rarely said ‘no’ to any of our wants and tried your best to ensure that all your daughters got what they wanted. 

I recall how you used to make a meticulous list for crackers during Diwali, ensuring that your daughters are happy and satisfied with it and also it is within Paati’s budget, at times hiding the real bill amount from Paati.  And the joy you used to have and give us by bursting all the crackers with us!

Compared to our friends, we were well travelled to Bombay, Baroda, Bangalore, Kumbakonam, etc despite being a large family. This, Appa, is thanks only to you, ensuring that you take us all for the trips!

Appa, I was proud when you told people that I was your lucky daughter.

Appa, I recall how you took me to Jipmer to write the medical entrance exam with all hopes that I will get a seat. Though I am happy that I am not a doctor seeing the medical world today, Appa, many days I have regretted wasting precious 800 rupees on the entrance exam study material from Brilliant Tutorials! I understand today that you had to make a lot of effort to arrange for that amount that time!

Appa, I recall how you took me to mandakapidi in Nallur in 1989. I had a great time with you visiting Kumbakonam, Thiruvalanzuhi and Nallur.

Appa, I recall our last trip to Bombay together, where roles reversed, I had to assure you that it was safe to cross the road and you were the one who was scared!

Appa, I recall how during our morning walks in 1980s, you told me that you have to look for a Mahavishnu for your daughter Lakshmi and yes, you did find me a Mahavishnu for a husband, Thank you Appa!

I know that you were very keen to get one of your daughters married into my husband’s family and I am so happy that you got me married into this family and that too to the best person, Thank you again!

Appa - you taught us to share things with people by emphasizing again and again about fair share of everything be it a morsel of food or big money!

Appa, you taught us honesty which was your greatest quality, which helps each of us in our lives today!

Appa you taught us hard working for which both you and Amma are the biggest examples in this world.

The neatly dressed Appa, right from the clean shaven face, vibudhi, chandanam, kumkumam on the forehead, neck tie, tucked in shirt, trousers with matching belt to polished shoes!  Appa, your neat line of fresh dhoties are waiting for you in the cupboard and you went away from this world with a week-old beard!   Appa, we understand that you could never accept Amma’s sickness and were very hopeful inside that she will come back to her old cheerful self. Though in your usual meticulous style, you tried to plan the ration card, gas connection, etc after her passing away, looks like inside you did not have any purpose to live! We, your daughters, wonder and wonder if this is the reason for you to follow her in 90 days time.

Food for thought!

 The scene I witnessed in the suburban train today, forced me to write this!

Two young college girls were travelling and one of them opened her lunch box. This was at 6.10 pm in the evening. As she opened her box, she was telling her friend that her mother had called in the afternoon on her mobile to enquire if she had her lunch and now if the box is not empty, she may get angry, so let us share the lunch. One must see the size of the lunch box to believe, it was just one of those disposable subzi dubbas provided by the hotels for parcel food and she was sharing it with her friend that too after skipping lunch. The food in the dubba was even more shocking, it was maggi noodles and I don’t think that any vegetable other than onions was added to it. Noodles is something that is to be eaten fresh and warm and not 10-12 hours after cooking it! Also is it a staple, nourishing food for a girl going to college, obviously travelling quite a distance? Of course, parents are not to be blamed fully, because many children refuse to eat proper nourishing food but prefer junk food, easily available and so tempting. It is very important for growing kids, especially girls, to have proper food. It was so very upsetting to see the above!

I remember that when we were kids, our Paati used to scare us that we will get all sorts of diseases if we eat the stuff being sold near our school gate. Also she made sure we had proper meals always and we were allowed to indulge in junk food only occasionally. Are Paatis not around for kids nowadays to ensure that they eat properly, I wonder!

Nostalgia

1, Ranganathan Road, Nungambakkam – part III

The concluding part of description of the great place where I grew up.  I wish I can go back in time and see the place as it was earlier!


Veli maadi – the backyard was called veli maadi. This again was one of our favourite place and we have had many moonlight dinners here. On the veli maadi we had stairs leading to mottai maadi and below the stairs was the place where the maid used to wash the vessels.

My Paati was so finicky about cleanliness that the maids had a tough time with her. But one look at all the vessels neatly placed upside down for drying will show that her fuss has paid off!  Paati’s strict instruction was that the vessels have to be dipped once again in plain water after the maid cleans and only then dried. I remember that initially this work was done by my eldest sister and later on, it was transferred to my second sister and so on!

Paati showed the same strictness in washing clothes. The maid had to rinse the clothes atleast three times, but the bucket should be filled only half with water as water wastage is very wrong according to Paati. To this day, I shout at my maid if she wastes water!

 
Veli maadi was the place where clothes were dried most of the time.  The left corner of veli maadi had a hand pump and during water problem, we used to take turns and pump water to fill up big drums and undas! Opposite the hand pump were two overhead tanks and I remember Paati slipping and falling there once, fracturing her hand!

Mottai maadi – From the veli maadi stairs led to mottai maadi. Again the steps of mottai maadi was one of favourite spots of Sundari to have coffee. We used to do some bird watching from that spot too as some rare birds used to come seasonally to the trees in pakkathu school. Mottai maadi was a huge place, covering the entire area of our house on the first floor. We have spent many summer nights sleeping in mottai maadi and the Sun waking us in the morning! We used to take the transistor to hear songs on vividha bharathi and Appa and I used to hear a lot of old songs then due to which I developed a great liking for old Tamil movie songs!

On the way to Mottai maadi there was a side maadi which had very low walls. Paati used to do rain water harvesting here. Just before rains, Paati used to clean this place and close the drain so that rain water collects here. When it is full, she used to open the drain and collect the water in buckets from below!

Sundari and Jayashree were very keen on gardening and had many plants in mottai maadi. We had panneer rose, saamandhi, jaadhi poo and vegetables like onions, tomatoes.

Mottai maadi was used by us also for studies. I remember doing my homework there many days and also revising before the exams sitting on the chimney in mottai maadi.

Mottai maadi has heard gossips from different groups of people, the elders in the family, we sisters and our cousins, various guests and friends of ours!

As soon as I finished schooling, we had to shift to another house as this house was sold by the owners and it was demolished and made into a commercial building

I miss this house even today and will miss it always!

My Great Ancestors - III

Lakshmi Paati

Lakshmi Paati – called as Bombay Paati (because she spent many years in Bombay) by all in the family is the eldest in our family (born in 1911). She is my mother-in-law’s mother. Though she is bed ridden now, she was a very active person until the last 3-4 years. I remember Paati and me taking a bus back from Adyar to K K Nagar in 1995 when she was 84 years old! Nowadays though she is a bit confused at times, most of the time she responds to our questions. These days the favourite question and answer session between Paati and me is:

I : பாட்டி, நா யார் சொல்லுங்கோ
Paati : ஜெயமா? ஜானகியா? And a few other names will also follow.
I : இல்ல, நா லக்ஷ்மி
Paati : என் பெயரும் லக்ஷ்மிதான் (with a guffaw)

If I ask her what she ate, she does not remember. But once any slokam is played on the tape/TV, she will start whispering the slokams along and her feet will be tapping to the tune.

Nobody would have suffered like Paati, losing her brother, husband early in life, son, daughter-in-law in their prime, daughter, sons-in-law in her old age. But for her attitude towards life, she would not have survived so many losses! She just follows the motto “do your duty and leave the rest to God!”

I met her 15 years back when I got married and from that time, I have never seen her worry or cry over something. Always a cheerful attitude and ready to do any help that she can to her children!

When she used to come and stay with us in our K K Nagar house, many times I have teasingly asked her “பாட்டி, Singapore போலாமா ”, USA போலாமா", she never said “எனக்கு எதுக்கு அதெல்லாம்” always used to say “okay, போலாமே” எப்ப flight பிடிக்கலாம்?".

I got to hear this funny story from Paati. Once, my father-in-law and Paati came by bus from Perambur to K K Nagar. My father-in-law went in the front near the driver seat to chat with the him leaving Paati in a seat in the back. As soon as she saw the K K Nagar Pillayar Temple, Paati thought they have reached home and worried that son-in- law will leave her and get down, hurriedly got down from the bus! Our house in K K Nagar is two bus stops ahead of Pillayar temple. Only after the bus left, did she realise that my father-in-law had not got down and the bus stop was not right. While my parents-in-law were worried about her, Paati hurriedly walked all the distance and reached home. In her panic, she did not even think of taking an auto! It was great to hear her laughingly narrate the story.

My husband says that Paati is more modern in her outlook than any of her daughters.
Once when he was in school, Paati was taking care of him and his brothers at home when my mother-in-law was out of town. My husband and his brother wanted to make omelette at home which was a taboo. Paati indulged her grandchildren’s wish and allowed them to do it! This is only a sample of her modern outlook!

Her will power is also worth a mention; she had a fall in 1996, broke her thigh bone and had an operation. She travelled back to Madras with her daughter (Hema Chitti) from Coimbatore by train in December 1996.

Even when she is bed ridden today, all her body parameters are perfect; she does not have BP, Sugar or any other ailment. It is just plain old age and system is slowing down to a snail’s pace.

I am very happy to have had the chance to know this Paati and have some good times with her.

Love you Lakshmi Paati!

My Great Ancestors - II

Saraswathy Paati and her beloved grandson Duraju

Saraswathy Paati is my grandmother, Pattu Paati’s mother. As Pattu was the eldest child of Saraswathy Paati, she got married at an early age to my grandfather, Raja Thatha and my father Durairajan was born to them on September 28, 1933. Though Appa was born in Madras (In my family only Appa and I were born in dear Madras, all my sisters and my mother were born in our hometown Kumbakonam), he spent his early years in Kumbakonam with his dear Paati Saraswathy.

I do not remember this Paati alive as I was just about three years when she passed away (1900-1972) . I can only recall seeing her body in their house in Mint Street, Madras.

Paati was an embodiment of love and affection, she showered so much of love on her eldest grandson (my father) when he grew up there. He was given preferential treatment over her own sons, a couple of them being the same age group as my father.

To this day my father talks about his Paati’s cooking and the variety of food she used to feed him. When any dish made by any of us comes out very tasty, he says “Saraswathy Paati, Saraswathy Paati” meaning, it is as good as what Paati used to make! That is a great compliment in our household because even my Raja Thatha who is a connoisseur of food admits that his mother-in-law was one of the best cooks!

One interesting story my father tells us often is that when he was a kid, Paati gave him a few annas and a vessel (சொம்பு) and asked him to buy oil from a shop two streets away. Appa being a kid spread his hands and ran like an aero plane, bought the oil, ran back home in a flying posture, spilling all the oil. Paati, with all her love for her grandson, did not scold him. Today, I am able to understand the difficulty she would have faced with that loss of money and oil as those were very tough days

When she became old, she used to come and stay in our house for short periods. Our household followed the rule of women eating only after the men and my Thatha used to have his bath, pooja and lunch quite late. Saraswathy Paati used to get hungry by then but had always been too scared that son in law will be angry if she eats before him. My mother used to force her to eat when she was hungry and not wait for my Thatha to have his lunch. Of course, this was followed in our house as a general practice and not because the men will get angry. My Thatha never checked who ate before or after him, he used to go about his activities busily.

Recently a few details my Rajamani Chittappa gave me about the tough time Saraswathy Paati had with her husband (TPK Thatha) made me appreciate her value even more. Hats off to her tolerance!

I wish she had lived for some more years, so that I would have had the chance to meet this great person!

NOSTALGIA

Paati’s house – Pachaiappa Mudali Street

During this pilgrimage trip, I was very keen to check out my Paati’s house in Kumbakonam – of course, it is not Paati’s house anymore as she sold it long ago. I recall staying in this house on a couple of occasions when I was a kid. Once was during my Babu Mama’s wedding and the next was during his child Anu’s birth. I am able to recollect only some incidents from these trips, but my love for the house and hometown Kumbakonam developed mainly because of my mother’s interesting narrations of her happy childhood days there.

When we reached Kumbakonam during my first trip, I remember travelling by bullock cart from the station - I still cannot forget how I kept on hitting my head on the side of the cart as I did not know how to balance and sit. I hated the journey, though it was quite a short one and had an aversion to bullock carts for a long time after that.

Paati’s house had a fairly big thinnai (porch) in the front, a narrow passage to the main hall with its mitham (open courtyard) and an oonjal (swing) in the hall. There were two rooms on either side of the oonjal, one towards the entrance was used as kitchen and Paati had let out the other room to a family. From the other end of the mitham, there was another passage leading to the backyard. Though the first trip was for my Mama’s wedding, I don’t remember the wedding as such as I was too young then. The second trip was more fun as I was about 8-9 years old and I had my cousins from Bombay for company as they were also there for the occasion. There was a big pond right opposite Paati’s house, and it definitely had water and was clean during my earlier trips, but this recent trip I felt sad to see that it was not a pond anymore but just a junkyard with some shrubs and lot of garbage dumped in it.

Mama took us all to Thanjavur Periya koil (Brahadeeswara Temple). I also remember that we had ilaneer (Tender Coconut) to drink near the temple. I think that was the first time I drank ilaneer in my life. We also visited my mother’s cousin Paaru in Swamimalai. During our stay in Kumbakonam, each night after an early dinner, Mama used to take us (all his nieces and nephews) to Venkata Lodge to have cold rose milk. I really looked forward to those walks to Venkata Lodge to have that drink. Also one evening we had snacks in Venkata Lodge, it is quite different from the hotels nowadays we all sat on the floor and were served tiffin in vazhai ilai (banana leaf).

During my latest trip when I enquired about Venkata Lodge, nobody seemed to know about it, maybe I asked the wrong people.

I used to hang out with my immediate elder sister Sabitha and my cousin Rohini as we are of similar age group and one day I quarrelled with them (rather they quarrelled with me) and the next day morning they took off to Mahamaayi Koil (Amman Koil) without me. I was quite upset when I came to know that they had gone to the temple leaving me behind. But they came back running from the temple as they were scared of the Poojari (Priest). I was quite happy that they had had a bad experience there.
During the recent trip, my mother asked me to visit Mahamaayi Temple if possible. When I checked in Kumbakonam, people didn’t seem to know it as Mahamaayi Temple, but only as Padavettu Mariamman Temple. Unfortunately, I could not find the time to visit the temple.

I remember that we used to have bath drawing water from the well there and Paati used to have some cows in the back yard. I also tasted pachai sundaikkai kootu first time in Paati’s tenant’s house and acquired a taste for it.

The oonjal in the hall used to be my Paati’s favourite place and she used to rest on it immediately after lunch. All of us loved the oonjal as we never had one at our house in Madras. All of us went to the MGR movie Neethiku Thalai Vanangu there. It is one of the very few movies of MGR’s that I don’t like as it does not have a happy ending.

With all these memories, I took an auto to Pachaiappa Mudali Street to check out the house, but alas, I could not recognise the structure as there were 2-3 houses in front of the erstwhile pond, but none resembled my Paati’s house! Finally I came to the conclusion that the house which was converted to an office only should have been my Paati’s house because of the location (the beautiful thinnai was gone) and when I came back to Chennai, I crosschecked with my mother and she confirmed that Paati’s house was indeed converted into an office.

Paati’s house is history now! Sigh…