AMMA

Amma, even today Ranga reminds me how upset I was when he hinted that all could not be well with you when you had one of your earlier bouts of sickness. You made me come a long way from this that when your end came, I did not even have tears in my eyes. You were my spiritual guru right from my childhood, imparting bits and pieces of philosophical truths sprinkled in the various stories you have told me, be it stories of Mahabharata or neighbourhood, was missing right from the day you lost your father figure, Thatha! You gave enough time for this fact to sink in.

We all understood very well that you were the backbone of our family and Appa could not take any decision even on something as simple as coffee or tea, but this truth hit us badly when you fell sick and Appa was lost. Despite this, we thought that Appa will outlive his wife like Thatha did. But I think from above, you observed him and decided to call him to you in a matter of three months! Maybe you decided that no one can take care of him like you did? Maybe you understood that he was lost without you? 

Amma, when I think of you now, I recall your sick self of the last 2-3 years, to the point that I tell my sisters, I am not so upset about Amma’s departure as I remember only her sickness. Now I am going to recall your greatness point by point in this tribute!

Annapoorani, wasn’t that your nick name given by all known to you? How many times we have heard people, be it family, friends, Thatha’s clients, distant relatives, neighbours, strangers, etc etc, say that they can never leave our house on an empty stomach? How Thatha’s client Lakshmi mami used to say that whenever she refused the food you offered, she had to starve that day? Not just feeding people at home, for how many people you have packed food and sent/taken to their homes!

Amma, I don’t think I can get your business acumen at all! Your business ranged from diamonds to pickles with various types of clothes and accessories in between!

Your ever smiling face - have I ever seen you sulking over things? It was always “vettu onnu thundu rendu” straight to the point. Point out a person’s fault and then forget and forgive!

Enterprising - you learnt this quality very well from Paati. For Appa and your hardworking nature, if you had begun a wedding planning business early in life, you would have been Number One in this business!

Duty - I think you learnt this mantra from Appa, but you followed him ditto in this path. You did your duties not just to your daughters, your father-in-law, your mother-in-law, your brother-in-law but to the extended family of siblings of your in-laws! My relationship with Ranga’s Paati grew only because I have heard how you did things for your mother-in-law’s mother!

Despite being a vakil, Thatha always asked you to speak to people if a point had to be conveyed or instructions to be given clearly and precisely without wasting time.  I always recall this quality of yours when I need to do this and try to imitate you!

Fearless - you never hestitated to drive a point home whether it is somebody big or small. I don’t think I can ever be as fearless as you were.

Hardworking - Amma I feel you became sick overworking for this family! The number of times you used to run to the shops in the neighbourhood and also cater to the needs of others not taking enough care of yourself, made you sick!

I recall lying next to you as a small child in the hall of Ranganathan Street house.

I recall you taking me to school, pakkathu school first and corporation school later. It was always you who took care of school admission, fees, complaints, etc as Appa was ever busy with his office.

You also had the time to accompany your mother-in-law to the never ending trips be it a casual visit or wedding or death or any other occasion in the family / extended family / friends / neighbours / thatha’s clients etc etc!

Every shopkeeper on Village Road right from Majestic Medicals, Khaleel Stores, Rahman Stores, TUCS, Velan Stores, maavu machine, Salam Stores, paper kadai, Alif Fancy, Gautam Jewellers, Canara Bank, TNSC Bank, Suprabath Hotel, pookadai, vetrilaikadai, vegetable shop and even the Police Station knew you and Paati and thought for a very long time that you were mother and daughter! 

I recall that you knew all the bus routes and most of the main roads in the main parts of Chennai and could direct people well. I don’t think I have this knowledge even now. Ask Ranga and he will tell you that I am really bad at this.

I recall that you only took us to movie theatres and beach all the time and Appa always met us at the respective venues straight from office. I wonder how you timed the arrival precisely in those mobile phoneless times and travelling by public transport!

I recall asking you in awe, how you roast the appalam on fire without hurting your fingers and you assuring me that it will come with practice! Amma, I still love cooking in iyachombu and kalchatti learning from you!

I recall you making tiny round dosas for me and this has now developed to different animal-shaped dosas with guidance from Sundari!

I recall the sugared chappathis you used to make for me - chappathis sprinkled with sugar!

I recall the nila saapadu we used to have almost on all days with you serving all the daughters or better still make us all sit in a circle and gave us spoonfuls of curd rice with vathakuzhambu or pickle. It never made a difference to you if Anu or Nalini or any other friend joined us in this, they were also your daughters!

I recall how you followed Paati’s instruction with regard to the quantities to be cooked, but always increased it slightly without her knowledge to ensure there is plenty for all your children and the ever unexpected guests! You ensured food was never short in our home.

I recall how you used to ask us to be kind to Paati when we were a bit irritated with her for her attitude with you!

I recall how you used to not restrict Paati eating pickles or drinking Rasna stating that we should give some allowance to old age.

I recall how you used to play cards with Thatha almost every evening with one of us joining you occasionally.

I also recall how you used to argue with Thatha on many occasions, but in the next half hour make him his favourite “rava upma” with ginger, perungayam and a little extra ghee.

You always said rava upma is faster than the 2-minute noodles if one has roasted rava ready, which you always had.  I totally agree with this!

I also recall your hesitation to stay in the hospital when Gokul was born stating that you were a bit sick of hospital stay. Should we have taken it as the first sign of your failing health?

Losing  Thatha made you lose everything in life, after all, you lost your own father at the age of 16 and Thatha was your father after that, showing his support on many occasions when you had issues with Paati! But Amma, the Annapoorani, the expert cook forgetting how to cook was a big shock for us! Still Amma you came back to normalcy a bit and tried to keep a cheerful front but your sickness did not allow you much! To repeat what I said above, I take your sickness as the time for me to accept your departure. If you had not given me this time and passed away suddenly, I don’t think I could have accepted it.

Love you Amma!

Photo blog - tribute to Thatha

This is purely a photo blog - a tribute to my Thatha, a great Muruga Bhaktha who passed away recently. I took all these photos at the Chedda Nagar Murugan Temple, Mumbai with the idea of showing it to Thatha, but never got around doing it. Hope Thatha sees it from Heaven. Love you always, Thatha!

Appearance of the Chedda Nagar Murugan temple with photos of urchavar

Pictures depicting birth of Shanmugar

Battle with Soorapadman followed by Devandra Pattambishekam

Different forms of Lord Murugan

                                                                           

Next is Murugan's upadesam - This is Thatha's favourite as according to Thatha, Murugan is THE GURU.

First is Thanthaiku upadesam - Murugan teaching Lord Shiva - The story of Swamimalai temple

Next is upadesam to Lord Brahma

Next is upadesam to Ovaiyyar - the great tamil poetess and saint

Last, but not the least - Upadesam to Arunagiriyar

My Great Ancestors - Part IV

Raja Thatha

This is about Raja Thatha – my paternal grandfather.

I did not have the opportunity to know my maternal grandfather as he passed away many years before I was born. So the only Thatha I know is my father’s father! He is the oldest living member of our family – all of 96. He was born in Manakkal on 2nd February 1913 to Nayana and Rajalakshmi Paati. With great love, they named him ‘Raja’ and to this day he lives up to his name – he gets royal treatment wherever he goes!

Thatha’s love for his grandchildren cannot be described in words. Whenever he eats food made by me, he will immediately say “you are the Number One cook out of all my grand daughters”. He will say the same thing when he eats the food made by any of my sisters. In his eyes, his grandchildren cannot do anything wrong. Such is his love for us! If any of his clients enquire about any of us, he proudly declares that “all my six grand daughters are graduates with first class!”

I am his youngest grand child and was showered with great love and affection by him when I was a kid. He still loves me the same way! The first thing I recall is that when I was a kid everyday morning as soon as Thatha woke up, I remember him carrying me on his shoulder. If I needed anything, it was very easy to route it through Thatha as he never denied me anything. I used to be fascinated by the spinning top (bambaram) and Thatha bought it for me despite Paati’s objection that I should not play with a top as I was not a boy! During Diwali, usually Appa made a list and bought all the crackers, but I remember Thatha buying a rocket shaped toy for the dot caps (guns and roll caps became popular only later). My sister Sabitha and I had a great time inserting the caps one by one in the rocket, standing on the Nayana room cot and dropping the rocket! Many years I have forced him to buy the damaaram for Bhogi! Amma and Paati used to get very irritated when Sabitha and I played the damaaram early in the morning on Bhogi day.

For a long time Thatha used to call me by the pet name “Dull dill”. Even my sisters used to tease me “dull adikara dill”. But I have to admit I was quite jealous when he transferred this name to my niece Divya, when she was a kid!

I cannot forget about the box he bought me. When I was in about third or fourth standard, I saw some of my classmates using aluminium boxes to carry books. I immediately asked Thatha for one. Others at home had not seen the box and I could not explain how it looked. With great enthusiasm which he shows in everything, Thatha bought me one bright orange plastic box. I refused to take the box to the school, insisting that it was not the one that I had asked for. Finally, the elders at home did not have a choice but to buy aluminium boxes, not just for me, but for Sabitha and Jayashree too. To differentiate and not to get mixed up in school also, our names were etched on the boxes. These boxes were in our home for a long time. The first bought plastic box also was there for sometime. Much later in life, I realised that the plastic box actually was very nice compared to the aluminium boxes!

Most of the days, when he came back from High Court, Thatha used to buy badam halwa or angoor boondhi. Angoor boondhi became my favourite and I in fact made this sweet for Diwali a few years ago. Whenever he went out of town, Thatha always bought eatables for his grand children. I have seen red guava only when Thatha bought it from Andhra. He also introduced all of us to the Pulla Reddy sweets oozing with ghee! I also remember he used to buy pattani kadalai almost every day on the way back from his cards playing session at T.Nagar. He also used to get us baskets full of mangoes during the season every year through his clients in Andhra Pradesh. It was a pleasure to watch Thatha peeling saathukudi, just making vertical marks on the skin with a knife and then peeling it with great ease. I still have not got this knack! I have also seen him cut keerai at home. He is a keerai lover and likes to have it everyday. Thayir pachadi is also a must for him. Of course without the mention of his vethalai paaku, this blog is incomplete. Everyday he used to have at least 8-10 sessions of chewing the vethalai paaku with sunnambu and also tobacco. He stopped using tobacco a few years back, but continues to chew vethalai paaku.

When we were young, he used to eat from a big oval silver plate. Though I don’t remember, I have heard Amma saying that all his grandchildren used to sit around him and he used to feed us all from his plate.

Amma says that you become an expert in serving food, if you are able to successfully serve food to Thatha. He used to eat at such a great speed. Despite the speed, he used to taste, relish and comment on all the items. One can consider herself a good cook, if she gets a good comment from Thatha as he is a connoisseur of food!

The speed is not just in eating, but in talking also! His command over the English language and the way he presents his case is too good. I have heard many people say that it is a great sight to watch him argue in the court. I seem to have missed the opportunity to witness such a scene! To this day, I panic when Thatha wants to dictate any letter because after the dictation, he will correct it at least four times to improve it. The first dictated version would have been definitely good enough, but he prefers to keep improving on it.

His clients say that once he enters the High Court building there is a spring in his step and after that even young people cannot keep up to his speed when he climbs the stairs. He treats his profession with so much of reverence to this day and I am sure only that gives him the energy!

Thatha taught me and all my sisters to play cards. He is an expert in cards. He used to have sessions of card playing many nights with his friends Nattu Mama and Stalin Mama who used to stay overnight at our home. Until recent years, Amma and Thatha used to play cards regularly in the evening writing down points religiously in a note book. My sisters, I and even my husband used to join whenever possible.

Thatha is an expert in astrology. He is good at studying and matching horoscopes for marriages. Many of his predictions have come true. I have also learnt a little bit of astrology from Thatha.

Thatha is a great Muruga Bhakta and has set tune to the Panchamirtha Vannam written by Pamban Swamigal. He has given many lectures and demonstrations on the works of Pamban Swamigal in many places including the Music Academy, Naradha Gana Sabha, Thamizh Isai Sangam and the Samadhi of Pamban Swamigal.

Thatha is a multi-faceted personality and can talk about anything under the Sun. He is a great lawyer, expert in Trade Marks, a devoted Muruga Bhakta, fine cards player, keen horse-race goer, good astrologer, ardent follower of cricket and tennis. He does not seem to have left any field. He even acted in a movie – Srimathi Parinayam. Though we have not seen the movie, we do have some still photographs from the film at home.

He played the role of Manmatha in the movie. He does look very handsome like Manmatha and my Chittappa says that to this day, Thatha has the best photogenic face in the whole family.

Even at this age he is very keen to understand the new technology of mobiles, laptops and the internet. I am very happy to have had the opportunity of showing him the website on his favourite Pamban Swamigal with the lyrics of Panchamirtha Vannam, Trade marks registry with its online journals and some online Carnatic music. He enjoyed all these with the same zest he shows about everything in life!

My Great Ancestors

Affectionately referred to as ‘Nayana’ my great grandfather was a remarkable man. His children had begun calling him Nayana (Nayana meaning Father in Telugu) when he had been working in Andhra Pradesh and the name just got stuck and even we, his great grand children and others who knew him refer to him as Nayana. His real name was Kandaswamy. I was about 7 years old when he passed away but I do remember him very well.

In fact the first room where he used to have a cot for himself when he used to come and stay with us in Madras was referred by us as Nayana Room. Nayana had nine children who he called his ‘Nine Gems’. He was justified in calling them Gems as each of his children has come up so well in life. All credit, of course, goes to Nayana who single-handedly brought up his children after he lost his wife when his ninth child (Durai Thatha) was less than two years old. He ensured all his sons were at least a Graduate with some of them being double graduates. He got both his daughters married into good families.

I have heard many stories about Nayana from my parents and grand parents.

He had a twin brother named Venkatraman and a sister Valambal. If fact, the story of how the twins were born, is quite interesting. Nayana’s parents (Vaidyanathan and Lakshmi) got Valambal Athai married very young and she became a child widow (virgin widow). As she was also widowed early in life, Valambal Athai prayed to God that her father’s lineage should continue and because of her prayers her parents had twin sons! The twins were born with a gap of about 24 hours, don’t know how Lakshmi Paati bore the pain for 24 hours! They named their sons Venkatraman (after our Kula Deivam – Thirupathi Venkatramana Swami) and Kandaswamy (after our Ishta Deivam – Thirutani Murugan).

At one stage in life, as they had financial difficulties, I heard that one of the brothers used to go for work and help the other study and then the other way round.

When Nayana sought Rajalakshmi Paati’s hand for marriage, her father asked Nayana, “How will you take care of my daughter?” and Nayana raised both is hands up in the air and answered with pride, “With my two hands.” His father-in-law was impressed as his daughter’s would-be was determined to work hard and take care of his wife. And Nayana did just that. This particular story I have heard from the horse’s mouth. Nayana used to gaze at Rajalakshmi Paati’s photo that we have at home and tell us all that the jewels she was wearing were all bought by him.

Nayana lived up to the ripe age of 92 (1885 – 1976) and I do remember that even during his last trip to Madras for one of his grandsons’ wedding, he was quite strong and used to walk regularly up and down our long balcony. That trip, he was very clear it was his last trip to Madras and even when my mother suggested that he stay back for some more time, he insisted that he will go back to Bombay. He was staying with one of his sons (Pattapa Thatha) in Peddar Road, Bombay. After he passed away, we came to know that he had got his time of death predicted by one of his friends long ago and was ready to move on when the time came!

He was very independent and used to have his money, medicines, soaps and powders separately and in fact used to offer others balms for headaches. Of course, he never forgot to take things back from them after use!

He was strong enough to bear the loss of two of his sons and daughters-in-law in their prime.

The main characteristic he inculcated in his children was honesty in their profession, which all his children followed and still follow! In fact this trait of honesty and hard work has carried down to the next generation, our generation and the next one too!